LV Chat: How to avoid Loneliness
So I have been a dear Pastors wife for about 7 years now. One of the 'stigmas' that come with being a PW, is the dreaded curse of forever loneliness. I will preface this by saying, indeed pastor wifing can and will have its lonely moments...BUT it doesn't have to be the sum of your ministry and life.
This post really applies to anyone, pastors wife or not. However I am just expressing from the PW angle.
When we first got sent out to start our church I was well aware of the lonley battles I could and would face as a pastors wife, but made a choice very early on in my ministry not to let it define me.
Being a pastors wife doesn't have to be lonely. It doesn't have to be a drudgery. It's what YOU make it.
So here are some ways that I keep myself from experiencing the 'L" word
1) Keep your Friends: Just because you become a pastors wife doesn't mean you need to give up your friends or who you are. You have no idea how long God has called you to the place/country you are in. Don't trade in long lasting friendships for something that may just be a season in your life. Make every effort to maintain close friendships.
2) Come off the Pedestal: I don't think any pastors wife puts herself on a pedestal. Often people like to place you up there based on your title. However, you can come off the pedestal and relate to people. Let people see who you REALLY are. The problem with statues, or objects that are placed on pedestals is that many people crowd them to see what they look like, but no one ever touches them. Just because people put you up there, doesn't mean you have to stay there. Greet people, tell them how you really are doing, just be human.
3)Church Friends: In ministry sometimes as a PW you can feel like you don't have any friends in your church! Well make some!! It is not taboo for a PW to actually have friends!! While we love all the women in our church, it is important to make friends and share. Don't be super private about every and anything. I am not encouraging to share your marriage issues, but definitely having friends that you can share with will help you in the long run.
4)Creating your Own Ministry: Many pastors wives live in the shadows of their husbands. I am quite a shy person so it's so easy for me to do that. But it's important to have a ministry of your own. I don't mean leading anything, just being involved in your own way. Apart from your husband. I love playing piano, doing kids ministry, having new girls over, decorating the church...if only I could...LOL
Get involved in your church as if you were just a regular member..not the PW
These few things things have helped me successfully combat the lonely dance in the ministry. I am not saying I have never been lonely, but I can say it never lasts, and usually when that spirit creeps in it's usually due to the lack of the above mentioned. I do want to say a relationship with God is crucial and will help any pastors wife through a lonely time in the ministry...but sometimes we need to do some practical things in addition:)
This post really applies to anyone, pastors wife or not. However I am just expressing from the PW angle.
When we first got sent out to start our church I was well aware of the lonley battles I could and would face as a pastors wife, but made a choice very early on in my ministry not to let it define me.
Being a pastors wife doesn't have to be lonely. It doesn't have to be a drudgery. It's what YOU make it.
So here are some ways that I keep myself from experiencing the 'L" word
1) Keep your Friends: Just because you become a pastors wife doesn't mean you need to give up your friends or who you are. You have no idea how long God has called you to the place/country you are in. Don't trade in long lasting friendships for something that may just be a season in your life. Make every effort to maintain close friendships.
2) Come off the Pedestal: I don't think any pastors wife puts herself on a pedestal. Often people like to place you up there based on your title. However, you can come off the pedestal and relate to people. Let people see who you REALLY are. The problem with statues, or objects that are placed on pedestals is that many people crowd them to see what they look like, but no one ever touches them. Just because people put you up there, doesn't mean you have to stay there. Greet people, tell them how you really are doing, just be human.
3)Church Friends: In ministry sometimes as a PW you can feel like you don't have any friends in your church! Well make some!! It is not taboo for a PW to actually have friends!! While we love all the women in our church, it is important to make friends and share. Don't be super private about every and anything. I am not encouraging to share your marriage issues, but definitely having friends that you can share with will help you in the long run.
4)Creating your Own Ministry: Many pastors wives live in the shadows of their husbands. I am quite a shy person so it's so easy for me to do that. But it's important to have a ministry of your own. I don't mean leading anything, just being involved in your own way. Apart from your husband. I love playing piano, doing kids ministry, having new girls over, decorating the church...if only I could...LOL
Get involved in your church as if you were just a regular member..not the PW
These few things things have helped me successfully combat the lonely dance in the ministry. I am not saying I have never been lonely, but I can say it never lasts, and usually when that spirit creeps in it's usually due to the lack of the above mentioned. I do want to say a relationship with God is crucial and will help any pastors wife through a lonely time in the ministry...but sometimes we need to do some practical things in addition:)
I know your wisdom and advice will help someone else Vee! Super important for PW's especially to take care of themselves and have good community
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