To all My Single Ladies...Oh Oh a Ohhh

"If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it"

Boy If Beyonce has any wisdom at all, I will give it to her for that line...

All my single sisters, this one is for you!  I am sick and tired of watching women jack up their lives.  So... hate me if you will, I'm about to give you the cold hard unadulterated truth!
Weaklings be ware!

Every girl loves a little 'gal chat'. One of the most popular topics in christian female circles is ...marriage!
Let's just say Disney did a good job of instilling in every women the need for her 'Prince Charming'. Go Marketing Team!   Reality is, our lives are more than a two hour flick that ends with the banner "Happily Ever After" (and all my married sisters say ..."amen") 

Most women think the second they say "I do" they will skip off into marital bliss.  Idiots!!? I mean...(nervous laughter) that's just not gonna happen my dear sweet heart.  Here are some of my musings on getting your 'some what' happily ever after and picking the right guy!  Oh and how to catch him!! Ladies can we talk....I know you all got excited for that last bit.  "Oooh Lady Vee's gonna teach me how to get a man?" Darn right hunny!!

Your Past
This area is one we seldom give thought once we are on a man hunt, but did you know that your past plays a key role in the man you will choose to marry, and the marriage you will have?  Take a good look at dear old Dad.  That relationship is critical. Many times we are prone to choose a man just like our father. Even if your Dad was a bum.  Explains why fatherless girls tend to pick the wrong guys.  

If you have been in abusive relationships you are also more likely to attract those type of men. Don't be under the assumption, salvation exempts you from this. Much of our past will manifest when we get married...not before. As a single sister now, come to grips with you past, ask the Lord to show you areas that you need to deal with and be delivered from.  Ask for discernment when it comes to picking the right "beau". 

Your Present

Now if you want to get married, you need to make sure you are ready.  So we go through the quick laundry list of to-do's.
1)Job 
2)Licence
3)Saved (should be #1)
4)Tithe
5)Read Bible Daily. 
6)Pray Daily 
7)Involved in your local church

Now that you have passed this test, you need to run homeboy through that little check list and add in, Kept same job for one year-check. Car-check(that's my own personal preference lol...he should at least be able to afford one)

  Love God more than you-Check.  Has good relationship with his Pastor -Check. Has a good reputation-Check. Good family life-check.

If you both haven't passed the test... LEAVE it alone until you both do.

I write this because I care.  Not because I am strict and up tight. It breaks my heart to watch women waste some of the best years of their life, caught up on some guy.  Didn't we get saved to leave that behind?  

 Can you leave the brother alone?  Guys and Girls do not need to be friends.  I didn't talk to my husband for 6 months before he asked me to court. It all worked out. Men like a chase.  As women you don't want to let a man think he already has you! And a Real man will sweep you off your feet, not take you on an emotional roller coaster. (that was deep guys...snap those fingers!!!)

A Real man will sweep you off your feet, not take you on an emotional roller coaster (let that marinate for a sec)...What kind of guy pursues a lady before he is ready to marry her? Isn't there a scripture on this...oh yes 'Who builds a house without having the funds to finish it?' Luke 14:30. Don't stir or awaken life before it pleases....  Girls, if the guy really cares about your heart, your purity and your relationship with God, he will leave you alone until he can sweep you off your feet. Not take you along for the ride.  That's selfish, that's not cool.
 Phewff, glad I'm got that off my chest... still with me?

A little more on the guy/ girl friendship thing.  Only one of four things can happen when boys and girls are friends.

                  1) Someone gets a crush, gets hurt, gets distracted prematurely, gets jealous, falls into sin.  The bible says do no stir or awaken love until it pleases. Songs of Solomon 8:4

                 2) Homeboy becomes so familiar with you, that now there is really no appeal.  The chase is over, he had his fun and now it's time to move on.

                3) Someone better comes in and now everyone has already matched you with home boy and  you miss out on a REAL good guy. (heart breaking)

 #4) You are robbed from making genuine relationship with sisters.  Instead of spending time focusing on building relationships with new converts and your fellow sisters you are distracted by your crush.

Maybe you want to marry this guys but you have no idea if you will. Don't be selfish, he isn't yours...keep your distance.

So what does friendship with the opposite sex consist of?

Call me a prude, but hey I am married, and that's your end goal, no? :D Being friends with a boy involves  chatting outside church, involves texting one another, involves unnecessary car rides,  having contact with him on a regular basis that isnt really necessary!  

Somewhere ,someone always gets  hurt, distracted, causes someone else to stumble or gets jealous.

 Am I saying you never talk to the opposite sex? No, but you do need to gaurd your heart, his heart and the hearts of those watching you as an example. 

Ask yourself could a new convert follow your example and not fall into fornication, could they live a pure an holy Christianity.  Would they battle lust if they walked in your shoes?  Self examination is key.

As I said, I didn't talk to my husband for 6 months before we started dating.  I did my own thing. I had no time to be texting him, in group chats with him, trying to get rides home with him, trying to hang at the same fellowships as him. Nope, I none of that! And somehow I still gotta brotha!  To clarify for 1 month leading up to him asking me to date, he would text me and try and get to know me and show interest. Pre-courtship should not be longer than a month or two MAX!! (just a darn distraction)

 But even then, I was guarded and at least I could see he was in the position to get married. Some ladies do this with guys that don't even have licenses, jobs...hello? 

Right before my hubby asked me to date, I actually told him I don't want to talk with him anymore.  I didn't want distractions.  If the guy is serious about you he willl  court you(fancy word for date), if not then he can get the steppin!! 

 Sisters you are worth so much more....why sell yourselves short?  By having some dignity and self control  your "courtship" will be all the sweeter, I promise! It will be fresh, exciting and glorfy God. People who "pre-court" for long end up robbing their courtship of it's appeal.  They also run the risk of being immoral, talking about things they probably shouldn't, basically stirring the pot, when it shouldn't even be on the fire.


The Future

 I wish, I would have had someone tell me all this when I was single. Marriage is tough, and your marriage will have it's moments.  You aren't an exception! Please don't be so naive to think so.  If you are LONELY as a single women, you will be as a married women!  Why? Because loneliness is a state of mind, not a physical state.  One can be lonely even  amidst a group of people. Your husband can't be your all in all.  He will let you down, he will fail to meet your expectations of Prince Charming from Disney and then what? Now there is no hope of someone else!  Now you are stuck.  Yup, stuck.  What a depressing feeling that is?  To know that you hoped being married would make your life better... and then it doesn't!  

This is why people who are just anxious to get married, really shouldn't.  If you can't be happy with where you are at and being there for life, marriage will be a constant battle for you.  Please  prayerfully consider your futures. 

Don't let your emotions be your guide.  Before you even get a teeny butterfly feeling towards a guy...turn the other direction and ask your pastor what he really thinks of the dude. (Please Note: When asking Pastors or others for advice, you  need to ask the right questions. )

 Ask-Would you let your daughter marry this guy? And watch for the response. IF someone tilts their head to the right and hesitantly says "well"...it's A NO!  Don't listen to anything further.  If someone says "yeah he's a good guy BUT"...it's a NO.  I have heard so many people make excuses like they asked their Pastor or they asked "so and so". 

C'mon, you know you just listened for the answer  YOU wanted to hear.

 

   Do you want God's will or yours for your life?

It's me again! I will haunt you for lifeI

If you're single why jump in a garbage bin and pray for God to help you to clean it up?

 I know these practices are hard ones and the things I have said take much self control.  But I assure you it's worth it.  

Be wise ladies, keep yourself pure.  Be a lady and have a dignity about you that draws your future husband to you.  You want a man who really is in to YOU. 

 How do you know that if you aren't feeding his flesh every five minutes? How do you know he really cares if he hasn't had to show any self restraint in talking to you.  How has he proved himself to you? What's his track record like? You want a man of God, not some church play boy!!

I I pray  as you read this in the privacy of your own life you will search your heart and let God convict you of the relationships you keep. That you will not lower your standard for sake of loneliness.  That you won't read this and think..."Oh I hope Sister 'So and So' is reading this". No, this isn't for her, it's for you!!

Don't hate me gals.... but if he likes it than he can put a ring on it!!

A Little Lady Vee Fine Print:Marriage is wonderful y'all...do it right!