Life in the Fish Bowl PT 2

A Pw's Heart....

Well I just got in from church! We had a powerful service today!  It was one of those services where I felt like 'I soooo needed that!'  With everything going on  my spiritual life has felt a bit deprived. I needed that 'reyma' and fresh word from God.  Tonight we sang the song "More Love More Power".  Normally I don't really like the song, but the words cut me to the quick.  The sermon was a conference video by Joe Campbell on Conviction.  It was ironic because I have had this post  convictions sitting in my to publish box.  But I just never felt ready to publish it!  Probably because the Lord wanted to deal with me about my own convictions first.

One thing about being the PW is every ones eyes are on you.  Today if truth be told I wanted to run to the alter and weep.  I wanted to repent for all my sins.  Just because you're a PW doesn't make you perfect.  Hey I sin too!  And the devil will discourage me when I slip up and say "oh your a PW and you do that?". It's a frustrating internal battle.  When I go through certain things its hard to just open up, because I am supposed to be the example.  I am the one everyone is looking to to have this thing under control!  At times I think they have it more under control than I do.

Anyhow back to the sermon, what ministered to me the most was "are you a better you in private?".  Most of us put our best foot forward.  Rarely does anyone see us snap or act out of turn...especially as a PW.  I have become very good and controlling my emotions and behavior to suite a proper christian lady.  While that's good, self control is a fruit of the spirit, whats going on outside is often very very contrary to whats going on the inside.

When I am hurting I am smiling.  When I sin, I'm smiling, when I am sad, lol I am smiling.  Not that I am trying to be fake but its just natural to hide and just put on a smile. Instead of saying 'hey I need help'.  There have been many alter calls where they call for salvation and backsliders and I feel like my hand needs to go up!  Anyone else have that moment too?  LOL Lets just be real for a moment we don't always feel saved or act saved!  

Anyhow this was a little bit of my life in the fishbowl thoughts and feelings today!  The service was great.  No I didn't put my hand up for salvation again, although I can always use a fresh touch of God.  I didn't skip playing piano and pray at the alter,(I have done that before).  But I decided to open up instead of bottling this inside.  This is just a real part of the ministry, that I have to face.  So please make sure you all pray for me!  Pray God would give me special grace and strength to get through any circumstance!  I know He can, but hey I want all the prayer I can get! :)  On my view chart yesterday I saw 79 views, that's a lot of people reading this blog!  That's alot of people I need and want praying for me! LOL Don't worry I will pray for you too!  If you have a special request please leave in the comment blog!
You know what, lets just all begin to pray for each other!  The end times are coming, and we want to make it to heaven!  
Please leave prayer requests in comments! 


  1. Very heart warming. I will deff be praying for you!

  2. I think every one of us has these moments, Pastor's wives or not. We all struggle and we all sin, which is why the bible tells us to take our cross daily...and to crucify the flesh. We all get to the point where we just need a fresh spirit of heaven to fill us. Thanks for being so open in this post....and you're doing a great job as a PW!!

    1. Your right! It does happen to all of us! And thanks for your encouragement! :)


Post a Comment

Popular Posts