Ghost Writer #2- Pretender

Growing up I  played dress up.  I liked to play house and read stories that took me out of reality.  I got older and  I liked entertainment ,tv, movies, music and books to escape reality.

As I got even older,and became a christian I couldn't play pretend anymore.  I wasnt going to go play dolls or do the things I used to do.  But I did begin to pretend in other ways.  I believe I am not the only pretender out there.

So how am I a pretender?  Well we all pretend  sometimes, in the prayer room we pray the house down, but we know we haven't really prayed all week.  We just want to "appear like prayer warriors".  When we are having visitors, we clean and organize cause we want to "look" like we are  clean and tidy people.  When we KNOW we are messy as ever.  We raise our hands in worship at church and even cry sometimes, but we know we rarely worship God in our  personal lives.  We say amen during sermons, and  ignore the personal application to our own lives.  We pretend we care about others ( as christians we should) but really we do it because a brother we like is watching and we want to  impress him.  We don't genuinly want to help that person, its a duty and obligation but doesn't come from whats inside.

Perhaps you people are better than me, but I have struggled with pretending.  Wanting to apear as something I really am ?   I really don't know why?    The thing with pretending, is you still feel empty. You feel like you don't quite fit, you just feel off.  You fear someone asking what book your studying, or what revelations from God you have gotten lately?  People come and visit and your hoping the won't open your closet, or look in that drawer and find out the real you. The messy you. But God sees.

I really have no moral of the story, no happy ending like Victoria or a more experienced writer would, but I do know that who we are in a secret place is who we are.  When you admit to who you are in the secret in the public you find freedom!  So get up a testify say hi I'm _____, I am struggling with cleaning my room, I have yet to over come this area of my life, but I know God can help me!"

Good luck!


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